I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
