Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
