if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
