she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
