I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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