I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
