Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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