The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
