You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
