dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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