i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
