if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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