You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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