Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
