just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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