You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
