my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
