Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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