my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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