So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
