Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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