I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
