I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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