those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Less talking, more tequila
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
