i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
