What a fucking waste of an outfit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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