there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
