One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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