Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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