i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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