you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize