I cockslap morals
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
