Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
