dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize