She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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