not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
