My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
