Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
