watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
