Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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