Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
