she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
