i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
