We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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