...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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