Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
soo... how was my night?
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