I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
