so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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