"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
