so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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