If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
