She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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