I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
