I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
