she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
