I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
