I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
