At least make sure they are 18
Why
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
