The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dicks are not precious.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
