Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
