The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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