It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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