it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
