I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
