His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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