found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
