Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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