in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
