You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
