yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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