theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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