I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
