I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
