Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i came on her dog
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
