So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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